For any relationship to prosper, let alone survive - be it marriage or
friendship - good communication is vital. But what does good communication in marriage really mean and how can
you both attain to it and, once there, maintain it?
First, be aware: communication is the hinge on which your marriage swings and it
requires persistent effort from Day One. But, the good thing is, that if it isn't a strong point at the moment, it
can be rectified - starting now and with you alone, if you don't have the cooperation of your spouse. If you do,
much better but, realistically, every marriage has a chance of being saved as long as both parties are prepared to
work on it, even though you may be the only one who wants to improve the communication in your marriage at this
Talk Calmly and Quietly
If you want to resolve your difficulties and improve your communication in marriage, the first step is to learn to
have a meaningful conversation without letting your emotions take over. If every discussion you have turns into a
slanging match, you will grow further and further apart. You may feel confused, hurt, angry or a variety of
emotions, but simply reacting to your spouse - instead of reaching out to them - is not going to help you grow in
understanding. When you begin a discussion, try to keep these points in mind:
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Don't shout at each other. No matter how you feel or what you are thinking, badgering isn't going to make your
partner do what you want or understand your point of view any better. A calm conversation where there is no
yelling, name calling or accusations is your first goal.
- Then, really try to listen to your partner. Don't speak, but listen and perceive what they are saying,
where they are coming from, where they are at.
- Honestly look at the problems in your relationship and let your spouse know that you understand them.
Accept your spouse's limitations - and your own. (Recognize that you do have limitations and defects!) Consider
what you can do to make things better and then act on that.
- Make an honest commitment to improve your marriage by communicating with each other about important (not
household) issues on a regular (weekly) basis.
- Agree to spend more time with each other and then follow through on that commitment. Your spouse should be
your best friend. So, make regular dates to do things together. Things you both enjoy. You each need your own
space, but you should also have projects in common, things you share together that are not just household
It may take a while to work out the issues you have and create better communication in marriage, but it is
worthwhile. Your relationship will improve as a result. If you are unable to resolve your issues, you should
consider marriage counseling.
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